


They used to be sweet little kids

by Mycroffed



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, At least at the beginning of the story, Caleb didn't see his mother die, Caleb is a war mage, F/M, Self-Hatred, So now he's a war mage, Titles still suck, Usual Caleb triggers, but he was put back together and stayed with Ikithon, idk if I'll continue this, mentions of torture, so he only broke a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-11 23:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17456579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycroffed/pseuds/Mycroffed
Summary: Lieutenant Widogast gets another task, set by Ikithon. A gang of goblins came a little too close to Zadash and now Caleb has to get information out of the one captive.Or, how Caleb and Nott still met, even in a different universe.





	They used to be sweet little kids

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU. If I continue to write it, the entire backstory will be written down. So Caleb didn't see his mother die, didn't break entirely and was brought back into Ikithon's service.
> 
> This is that future.
> 
> Title is from Shankill Butchers by The Decemberists.

_You’re a trash person_.

That first thought was a reminder of his mind, one that always greeted him as Caleb woke up. He stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, before hauling himself out of bed. He glanced at the bedside table glancing at the candle and without it taking a lot of effort, he lit it. Now that the soft, orange playful light was spreading through the room, he took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes.

The night had not been free of nightmares, as usual – he should go looking for a Cloak of Dreamless Sleep – but somehow he had still managed to get at least some rest. The knock on his door reminded him that there was a reason why he had woken up. It wasn’t his usual hour of waking – his internal clock reminded him that it was around four in the morning – but he was sure that it wasn’t a nightmare that had woken him.

“Lieutenant Widogast? Sir?” A soft voice came from the other side of the door, attempting to catch his attention. “You are requested, sir. Captain Ikithon’s office.”

“Tell him I’ll be there in ten, _ja_?” What could this man possibly want at this hour of night? Nothing good, for sure. And he would probably be charged with helping him, once again. Just the usual, then.

“Yes, sir.”

Caleb listened to the footsteps as the person who made them walked away from the door to his room. He zoned out for a moment, allowing his thoughts to take over at this early hour in the morning.

_Trash._

_Awful._

_It’s too early._

_I want to sleep._

_Verdammt._

The longer he allowed them to roam, the more Zemnian they became. It was the soft noise of the candle burning steadily that was the first noise from the outside that managed to pull him back. He glanced at the flame, at how it seemed to flicker in a wind that was barely noticeable. Upon taking a deep breath, he managed to pull his thoughts back to him, back under his control, until he could push them into a corner of his mind, safely locked into an imaginary cabin that he wouldn’t touch with a long stick for the rest of the day.

Once he was sure that he would be able to function, he pushed himself up on his feet. His balance took a few seconds to return to him – lack of sleep and lack of eating vegetables would do that to him, especially when he got up too fast – but once the world stopped spinning, he walked over to his closet, where a set of uniforms hung, neatly pressed.

He glanced at the one he had worn the day before, which lay crumpled on the ground in the corner and there was a flash of pity in his chest for the one who’d have to get all the crinkles out of it. He was very much aware that he wasn’t the nicest of people to put up with – his own mind reminded him of that on an hourly basis – but this time, he just couldn’t. Instead of picking up some fresh clothes, he made his way over to the ones from the day before, smoothed them out as best as he could before laying them on his messy bed and attempting to fold them as neatly as he could.

Once he was content with his work, he picked them up and pilled them neatly on the nearby chair. He smiled to himself, proud that he had done at least _something_ good today, before pushing that feeling deep down, together with those thoughts from before.

Turning back to that messy bed of his, he decided to continue on the roll of good things, so he pulled his covers back and also smoothed them out. By then, those simple actions had taken him five minutes, leaving him less than five minutes to get dressed, possibly grab something to eat and then make his way over to Ikithon’s office.

_You’re going to be late._

“I’m going to make it.” He muttered to himself, at which moment he rushed over towards that closet once again, grabbed the first uniform that he could see – later on, as he was dressing himself, he realised that he was wearing the parade one, rather than the one for daily use, but it was too late to change. He would deal with the comments and the cape for the rest of the day. He would be able to manage.

As soon as he looked decent enough, he rushed out the door, the wind that his quick movement created extinguishing the flame of the candle. As he left the room, it was once again doused in darkness.

 

\--~--

 

“Caleb. How gracious of you to honour us with your presence.” Ikithon’s voice was sharper than he probably intended it to be – or at least that was what Caleb told himself – as everyone in that small office turned to look at him. Astrid and Eodwulf’s gazes were just as empty as Ikithon’s were, though he could see the remnants of sleep still clinging to both of them.

After having run to the kitchen, it had taken Caleb an additional ten minutes to get to the captain’s office and while he was fed – something the other two couldn’t say – he was also late, the one thing Ikithon despised.

“ _Entschuldigung_ , Captain. It-it will not happen again.” He instantly glanced down at the ground, refusing to make eye contact and hoping that that would be enough for now, at least.

Ikithon seemed satisfied and turned his attention back to the three of them. His smile was strained, one of the signs that there was something seriously wrong. “There has been an attack on the city.” He said, though his words lacked the urgency that they had had before. This told Caleb that whatever it was, it had already been dealt with and that they were here for damage control, rather than extermination. “A goblin clan got too close to one of the garrisons and while most of them escaped, we managed to catch one. We need to know for sure whether they are conspiring against the city, planning on trying again, so one of you will have to deal with the one we caught. It’s currently in the dungeon.”

Ikithon paused, letting his eyes gaze over the trio in front of him. Caleb could only imagine what he saw as he looked at them. Astrid and Eodwulf, his compatriots, were dressed in the right uniform, which helped with the neat appearance projection. Astrid’s brown hair was pulled back in a tight bun, only one or two curls escaping it. (Caleb had to stop himself from walking over and curling those around his fingers. As they stood there, it was almost as if she could feel his gaze, because her hand moved to tug on one of those stubborn curls and tucked it behind her ear. He knew her well enough to know that this was an attempt to keep her hands busy as she waited to receive orders.) Her pale skin seemed warm in the candlelight, but involuntarily, a memory popped up of that same skin, in the cold light of the moon.

With a small shake of his head, he pushed it away again. Ikithon seemed to pick up on that movement, however, as his gaze turned fully towards him.

“Do you have anything to add to this conversation, Lieutenant Widogast?”

Caleb seemed to shrink under the man’s look and shook his head again, this time a little more noticeable. He certainly didn’t want any more attention than necessary. “Sorry, captain.”

Out of the corners of his eyes, he could see Eodwulf shake his head. His bald head suited him, strangely enough, and at the same time seemed to accentuate his humanoid features. His elongated ears reminded Caleb, as they had so many times, that this half-elf was different from him and Astrid. He hadn’t cared – neither of them did – but it did make certain experiences a little different, even if it was only the way he could see in the dark.

“Well, it’s been decided then. Caleb, you will go deal with our unwanted guest.” Ikithon said, the look in his eyes still disapproving as he seemed to take the wizard in properly for once. “Before you do, however, go get dressed properly. The _right_ uniform this time.”

“Yes, captain.” He whispered. As his orange hair fell in front of his eyes as he glanced down at the ground again, he realised that while he had put on fresh clothes and found some food, he had forgotten to clean himself and bind his hair back in a similar bun to Astrid’s hair style.

“Don’t make me regret this. Report to me by the end of the evening.” With that, the captain stormed past him and pushed it open, the gesture it tried to express clear enough. _Time to leave._

Without waiting for anyone else to move, the man moved out of the room, quickly making his way back to his own room. As he stormed in, already taking off the cloak, he came to an abrupt halt in the middle of the room. There was someone else there.

While he knew that someone came to clean his room every day – there were plenty of signs that someone moved his books around a little bit, his clothes disappeared, but he had never actually _seen_ anything. The other person – a young looking halfling, he noticed – seemed just as shocked as he was, as she was doing a wonderful impression of a deer caught in front of a cart, racing at her.

“ _Entschuldi_ —”

“My apologi—”

Both of them blurted out their respective apologies, a hint of a blush spreading across the halfling’s cheeks. Finishing what she was doing and grabbing the clothes, she stormed out without saying a single word, leaving Caleb on his own once again.

He remained where he was for a few more seconds, even as he heard the door slam shut behind her. It was almost as if his personal space was infiltrated. Refusing to let that thought completely take control over him, he pushed through, over to his closet, this time taking the proper uniform and getting dressed again.

As he glanced in the mirror, hanging in his room, he saw a dishevelled human, his copper-brown hair hanging in front of his face, grease coating it. He made a mental reminder to take a bath once he was done with whatever Ikithon wanted him to do. However, due to a lack of time, he simply pulled a small wire from inside his pockets – he had plenty of those around – and pulled his hair back. It was in no way as neat as Astrid’s bun – no matter how much she had tried to teach him – but it kept all the hair out of his face.

The man who stared back at him from the mirror this time, while a little more put together, still had an empty look in his eyes, who seemed to regret what he would have to do, but Caleb knew that this was the best that he could do, so far. He took a deep breath, before making his way out of his room once again.

He got a few curious glances from other soldiers on guard duty – he knew that he and the others had a bit of a reputation and the uniform made it clear to everyone in the building who exactly he answered to – but he simply ignored them all. He had no time to talk to anyone. His pace was urgent, but it was controlled as he stormed towards the dungeons.

It took him about five minutes to actually get there – he had been working in the maze of a building for a while now and was still getting lost every once in a while – but once there, he tapped the soldier on guard on the shoulder.

“I’ll take it from here.” He said, his voice soft, but determined. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. “Please leave.”

The elf soldier blinked a few times, glanced at the other captives and Caleb was about to pull rank on her, when she nodded and left him all alone. He glanced in all the cells – one held a half-orc, cowering in the corner, knowing very well what this new person in the bright red uniform could do, the other a couple of human bandits and the last one held his own prisoner.

The small, hooded figure sat in the corner, using the shadows to keep herself hidden from view. (If Caleb hadn’t known for sure that she was in there, he would have glanced over her for sure. _Verdammt these human eyes.)_ As his eyes got used to the lack of light, he could see her a little clearer. The dark green hair seemed to stick up in all directions, though there were some – were that _flowers_ stuck behind her ears? The few limbs that he could see – an arm and the opposite leg – were covered in bandages, almost as if she wanted to keep her green skin from being seen.

He cleared his throat, attracting her attention – he noticed, because all of a sudden two golden eyes seemed to reflect the little light in the room back at him.

For a moment, he ran through a list of things he needed to do when starting to torture someone – establish dominance, show them what you can do, inspire fear – but once he thought about what he could do, he threw all of that out of the window. Upon summoning some fire to his left hand, he lit the room just a little bit more, before unlocking the door to her cell. He walked in, closed the door behind him once again and sat down in front of her.

“ _Hallo._ My name is Caleb Widogast. And you are?”

The other stared at him for a few seconds, before speaking in a squeaky accent. “Nott the Brave. Are you here to kill me?”

“Nein. Not if you cooperate, Nott the Brave. If you do, we’ll become _very_ good friends.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is the end for now. I have no intentions of writing any more (I'm still watching the show and have only got to episode 22 so far), but maybe.
> 
> Just maybe.


End file.
